It's so strange not having him around the house anymore. Everytime at the dinner table.. no mick laying down in the kitchen. Everytime I walk in the door.. no mick waiting on the other side. Everytime I bring food home, no mick following me to my room. Coming home from a week vacation.. no mick going crazy cuz he's missed us. I miss my canine bro. I miss him so much. Love you Mick.
THE BEACH. Surfside Beach, SC. North of Murrell's Inlet, south of Myrtle Beach. But close enough that each are easily driven to! Murrell's Inlet is precisely the life I can see myself living. And with cheap apartments in Myrtle, which after 11 yrs of visiting I know just as good as this area, maybe in a few years that would be possible. After that? Caribbean? Who knows.. I just know that wherever I wander, I'm better off alone. Sure I'd love to have friends a long, or find a companion, but maybe that's why my road leads me the way it does. It sucks, as I love to be a great boyfriend, and 'that guy' that some girl has been wishing for. But after this, it's obvious if I am ever to run into a girl that could be for me, I won't be running into her around here.
I don't even know anymore where I want to take that next step to. Before, it was Columbus. Now, I'm not so sure. Surely it doesn't mean that anything is being given up on, but I really just want to get away from here. For good. As fast as I can. Continue talking to those who actually appreciate me, and permanently cut ties with those who do not or do not show it. Never speak to them again. I can't describe how bad I just want to hide from some people, which is something I've never worried about. I've never been one to step away from people and say 'get away from me', before turning and never thinking twice. I don't like it, but I genuinely feel betrayed by so many things, that I've just been broken down. Once a wild, confident and cocky man who had the world at it's knees.. Now a shy, unconfident, humbled guy who feels ashamed for others to see him.
Job search. I wish I could get one break. Seriously, I know I would be the best employee someone could hire. The hardest working, the most dependable, the one who guests remember after they leave and bring them positive thoughts about their last experience with my company. I wish I could do a good interview. It seems like for what I make up from the last one, I screw up the rest royally. This is probably my last chance to make it into a new job, around here, that would actually benefit where I want to go in life. There has to be a break for me somewhere, sometime, right? I hope this is it.. I really do.
Everytime I get a bit of money, it gets taken away for dumb reasons. A speeding ticket as I'm merging off a highway from a 65mph to a 55.. a road rager who causes ME to tap his back bumper with no visible damage and then works his lying head off to get me a citation. Now some "late fee" on my best buy account. I swear. If I don't find a second job, or a good primary one, I will have to either sell my car or bail out on my student loans through government programs. If I could rewind life a little, I'd trip it back to 2007 and pause it for a good while. I want my life back.
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