I thought my 100th post would be a little more celebratory! But it's here nonetheless, let's get down to business.
Excluding the critically acclaimed Car Troubles series that I am periodically writing at the moment, lets take a clearer look into the recent life. Not the happy, no problems/stress, make everyone-else-around-me-have-a-great time Paul that everyone has came to know.
I currently have no computer. My music? Pictures? Documents? Bill info? Passwords? Programs such as Office or Rosetta Stone? My easy and personal way of getting everything done or finding out how to do what needs done? All gone. Whatever got my laptop got it good. Cody's working on a fix, but it's been over two weeks since we've all been so busy.
My phone's battery has gone bad. It won't hold a charge for twenty minutes without being consistently on a charger. Slight annoyance? Oh yeah, only slightly ;)
Car: Brakes, sway bar links, toe link, and power steering. All adding up to around, eh, $920.
And last but oh so not least, work. It seems I give and give, I help out here, cover there, and do the very best I can do every single day. Yeah I bitch about it maybe 3 out of 7 times when I have to stay an hour to two hours later, but I've gotten used to it. I don't mind. It's extra money and I don't have many plans otherwise, usually. Am I looking for recognition from co-workers? No. The guests that see me busting my ass from the time I get in until they check out usually acknowledge it. I like that. I like it even more when they say they appreciate the work and plan on coming back. When they praise me without knowing the owner is standing over in the lobby. The tips I get daily. I really do not need praise from anyone else other than my ultimate boss: the guest.
But then you get a day like today, where I'm not needing to get out for anything specific. But it's a nice day, I was really looking forward to getting in the workout I missed last night, and I've been so psyched about the Jazz and Blues festival over at Creekside in Gahanna. I don't want to drive my car more than I need to - the pads are gone and the rotors about to split - so I had a ride. But you don't always get what you want, I realize that and I am perfectly fine with it. With that being said, when I have to run all over hell's half acre on cracked out brake pads only to have people beep, swear, and gesture at me, it's going to down my mood a bit. Friend hangs up on me as they try to give me directions, which is fine either way. She thinks I was taking the stress out on her, which I feel a level of comfort there so there is some truth to it, but the majority of the static she felt from my end was just my offbeat annoyance with everything else going on. I just wanted to get stuff done, and my persistance in getting the info I needed in order to do that ended up coming off as me being a dick. Today 3, Paul 0. Then I tell myself, 'it's okay! More money for you! And you can get to Creekside tomorrow night, no worries!' I proceed to pull out of the parking lot from where I tried looking my destination up on my phone (Google Maps wouldn't bring it up...) and some hill jack runs a stop sign while almost hitting me as I slowly come to a stop (again, taking it easy on the brakes). He stops. BOTH him and his oh so pleasant girl get out of their rusted, jacked up piece.
"Learn how to fuckin drive boy!"
"Yeah little man in your little car!"
"What you lookin at, you gots a problem?
"Yeah, you got a problem with my man? Huh?"
W......t.......f. I sat stunned, normally this situation would please me, and I would jump at the chance to go off on someone. But all I could do was laugh. Laugh and daze off. Here I am, everyone mad at me: great friends, my ride, like 10 strangers, my dad, the lady at Guest Supply for having to actually work and load small boxes when I already told her I could handle it. Here I am, my most important necessities all falling apart. And now these clowns. All so unforgiving, when all I seeked to flip the day around was one understanding look before heading home.
And when I don't get it? All of the telling myself 'can't always get what you want,' all the self control, all the patience with everything I've been dealt today goes out the window. And I make a jackass out of myself. Do I feel like I was misunderstood and misjudged? Oh yeah. Do I feel as if I could've handled the day any better? Up until that last minute, no. I was understanding of others, I did my best the entire day to do what I do, and I showed caring for others that could relate to my hectic day. *snaps fingers* Was that close to coming out on top of today's odds. Lesson? Careful who and what you bank the outcome of your day on. Make sure its not an illusion before you trust you can exhale and fall back on it. Just five seconds of being a dumbass blows all of the patience, being the good guy, and my credibility to hell.
Was it worth it, going with the flow all day only to be kicked while down? Yes and no. But I'll willingly do it all over again. Can't let it keep ya down. The car will heal, I'm never far away from an internet connection, they sell phone batteries these days (who knew?), and most of all I have the greatest friends and people around me for when I crash. All I can do is repeatedly be there for them when they themselves are down and out, and if they're worthwhile to my life then they will do the same.
If it makes you feel any better, my phone took a final crap. Just try to keep your head high and remember your friends and those close to you are always there for you. Keep your chin up and reach out when you need to. Sometimes it's hard to when you're used to being independent, but we all need to at times, trust me, I know allll about that. I still owe you that CD ;-)!
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