I must say, I am not doing so well

Time for a heart-to-heart; a little session of honesty, if you will.

The journey of this blog has seen a majority of positive, energetic posting. I like to think that among many friends that I'm known as the stress-free guy who's always having a great time, no matter what. Well I'm breaking down.

Today I couldn't find my keys. I can't ever find anything here. It's a mess. I don't have any room to keep any of my stuff. So my clothes, belongings, and random things I bring in/out of the apartment are piled up in front of a closet next to the front door. I am always in a hurry. I fling stuff here and there without thinking, because I am always being rushed. Whether by work or other schedule committments, and I've had it.

Everything that I had wanted in a job was presented in front of me before I moved down here. As time went on you could say that I heard and saw things from behind the "curtain" there, and now this curtain has been pulled violently back, exposing the driving force of what is becoming one of the darkest periods of my life.

While searching around the apartment for my keys I think to myself, 'you probably locked them in the car before the gym yesterday.' I fling open the door, touch only one of the 9-10 steps as I descend the stairs, and then calmly begin walking toward the parking lot. Not seeing my car, I realize I parked on the street last night and walk down to Neil Ave. No car. Right away I know it. Street sweeping/cleaning goes down on the second Friday of each month.

I finally get a little bit of a routine going down. A set schedule. 7a-3p everyday this week. Until last night, when I am notified I am going back to thirds right away. My sleep schedule is not set for that, and of course today I wake up at 8:30am and can't go back to sleep. I'll be awake all day and go into work at 11pm, only to get off at 7am and head out for Bluffton immediately so I can sleep all the way up to the alumni game at 6pm. And after that's over? I'll drive back to Columbus right away to be right back at work at 11. Isn't life great?

Street sweeping on the second Friday of each month. My car is gone; towed again. There is no signage indicating where it might be, and I go into panic mode. Ok, it's more like completely-out-of-my-mind mode. Now I have no idea where my keys are and I have to call family back in Bluffton because it's possible my keys are inside the Escape. Luckily they are amazing.

Phone call from work. Something about me coming in early. Now the real me wants to get in there asap so I can help, because all of us there are having to do extraordinary jobs just to keep the place afloat. But what does the current me want to say? Hah.. I won't include that on here.

Now I have to find where my car is. I'm currently waiting on fam to arrive with a spare key. Other troubles? I have extra expenses coming here soon that I've never had before. No matter how much of myself I dedicate to this job, in a few months it will be over for all of us, I must find a back up plan. In addition to all of this, friends that I haven't seen or heard from in awhile have recently taken up a decent portion of my daily thoughts.

I'm starting to believe that I never should have taken the job, I never should have moved, and never should have thought that this was a step to making anything out of myself. I'm down and out, on the ground and defeated. We've all been there. But how do I get back up? Am I strong enough to endure what's about to happen? And for the first time in my adult life, I am not sure if I am.