Massive 09, stress, stress relief

Eugene and I both bought 10-game season ticket package for the 2009 Columbus Crew season. After attending 7 (or 8..?) home games last year, and wishing I had done more, it only made sense to get tix, although there are 18 home games + 18 CONCACAF Champions League matches that the Crew will be playing in next year, so if we decide to check out the other games, it will be easy to get cheap tix, but if not, were not wasting the $$ on the 18-game package. VIDEO: After the Crew defeated Chicago Fire 2-1 in the East Championship for the right to play in the 2008 MLS Cup, which we dominated NY in, 3-1.

So many things stressing me out lately, money for SB, my back, people, it is really weighing down on me, but I know tonight will bring me right back up. Oh, and T.I.'s Paper Trail album is awesome.

we told each other there is no other way

To begin, anything written on here is intended for anyone to see. This is not somewhere for me to "hide," or avoid confrontation. Every word is exactly how I would want someone to read it.

I understand that me not responding in anyway gives the impression that I don't care, however that could not be farther from the truth. But if I was such a bad person for you to go as far to say what was said, then you're right I shouldn't be talking to you.. I shouldn't deserve your time, right? Still attracted to you and still thinking about you, I thought, 'yeah we can finally make this work!!' Back then I was just waiting for you to ditch him like you told everyone you would..by August I think it was.. That was awhile ago..if you were expecting to just leave that and hit the ground running with a full-on relationship with me, I'm sorry...that's how I had wanted it to be last year. In my opinion, that would be irresponsible on both our parts and not the smartest way to handle it. I approached it the way I thought necessary, which obviously was not how you had visioned. While how things have transpired does hurt me, I cannot apologize for that.

My Lima car accident friends have contacted me this morning, breaking what was atleast a 4-month silence. Apparently by 3pm today the paperwork to take me to court will start being processed? I am not sure how to take this. It was my first accident ever, I did not even run the damn red light, granted I stopped beyond the white stop line, but I did not run the light. And for those of you who know the details of both driver's situations..... you know how farfetched this whole mess is.

Had more to say, but my mind's a mess.

when your mind is a mess so is mine i can't sleep
cuz it hurts when i think
my thoughts aren't at peace
with the plans that we make, chances we take
theyre not yours theyre not mine there's waves that can break
all the words that we said and the words that we mean
words can fall short, can't see the unseen
cuz the world is awake, for somebody's sake now
please close your eyes, woman, please get some sleep

too much silence can be misleading
your drifting i can hear it in the way that you're breathing
we don't really need to find reason cuz
out the same door that it came well its leaving, it's leaving
leaving like a day that's done and part of a season
resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
but atleast we could sleep it's all that we need
when we wait we would find our minds would be free to go to sleep

and know that if I knew all the answers
I would
not hold them from you
know all the things that I know cuz
we told each other there is no other way

old friends. my situation. columbus. The Black Hand

I'm pretty certain someone that's been a friend of mine for quite sometime is just someone who not only wants me to not talk to her anymore, but in reality I probably couldn't get myself to talk to her at this point anyway, so I guess that works fine. Spend so much of your life being treated like dirt.. and while you worked there I often just wanted you to be with me.. leave him, let me make you happy. Well you found it appropriate back then to come up with stupid lies to me and everyone at Arby's and SCREW over everyone that truly cared about you. So now, this time around.. you just expect me to drop everything: all my plans, things I'm into now, and all logical thinking so you can be happy now??? And saying that I only brought out the "bad side" of you, when a few days earlier you went on about how I helped show you how your life could really be. Yeah, I don't really want to talk to you either. You had your chance, you turned your back on everyone at work.. you more than anyone should be able to understand that some things just can't work after a certain time. You fooled me once... when you still worked there... should I be sorry that I didn't want to be fooled again??

Was in Columbus on Tues.. fun time out at Sloopy's!! It was crazier than NYE, loved it. Being down there, I seeked lots of advice from the best buds about the feelings that I've had lately over someone up here.. of course they support me staying single, and I understand that. I mean, I have been wanting to move down for awhile.. and when I do, I'm not sure I could handle a third long distance relationship. But man, she sure does make me really happy...really happy...I will really have to do some thinking and searching with this, because for once I see the potential for something great with someone :) :) :) and it could be very hard to walk away from.

Price of Spring Break has gone up.. and the bank has been messing up my deposits.. sooo money is a headache right now. Was at my Great Aunt Ruth's funeral today, while she hadn't been a blood Giovinazzo, there was plently of the Italian side there. I learned of a letter sent to her late husband (my grandpa's brother Nic) that threatened "action would be taken" if the handling of a certain organization did not change.. and was signed Anonymous. It's well known my Great grandfather had been involved in the mafia's between here and Chicago, both during and after the time Al Capone was the head, and he had been involved in many "Black Hand" extortion activities. So it was big, shocking news with the family when that letter arrived just last week at Nic & Ruth's old residence in Lima. Anyway.. more on that and all the above later, when everything becomes more clear ;)

so lately..

dunno if I should be saying this, but I can't get enough of her! how long has it been since you've heard that come from me?? quite awhile.. for someone who doesn't let anyone near him and is known as the hard-ass prick to most.. this is quite the development. It is so strange.. spending all my time.. and loving it. Vday went great, went amazing actually. Plans were changed 2-3 times, but the end result couldn't have been better! What is it about this.. that just.. gets me all caught up. Ah.. I am seriously liking it though. The running, days at the bfr, movies and all the other little moments. Seriously liking it.

Spring break can't get here fast enough! me and cody for sure.. bruce is probable.. and eugene is on a "game-day decision" at this point. I seriously can't wait to get to FL with my boys and raise some hell, it has been a long time coming and will be one great time

cbus! running! grammys! sick!

Wow, so last Thursday in Columbus was one of the most wild nights of the recent future.. I had not been down since New Years, and it was definately a celebration of sorts Thurs night. We all went to Sloopy's and completely drowned ourself in whatever the bartender Kirena suggested. LET'S JUST SAY she kept us going. But yeah.. what a night when we got back, stand by for the YouTube video coming soon.. I will repost this paragraph when i post the vid.

Oh, now for the Grammys.. so Holly texts me, first time we've talked in like 2 months. We always used to watch all awards shows together over the phone.. so yeah I guess she was thinking about that. Of course all country performances on the show ones we saw together in concert. Funny huh? But yeah.. its like everytime I think she's outta my mind.. right back there again.. as Marc puts it "i'm not saying i want to forget you, but damn it I have tried.. and these memories are killing me, and it's digging me inside.. and you leave me here bleeding. Walk away..... it's time you left me, it's time you let me be..." ("Love & Memories"from the album- O.A.R.: Live at Madison Square Garden)

Lately I've been trying to get back into better shape, no pop.. and working out everyday. the last two days, this has included running. And in the midst, I found getting myself in better shape mentally, and emotionally. No names here, but someone is really having an impact on me lately.. and it is the last person you or I would expect, and possibly something I shouldn't get myself into. But over the last week, getting to know someone all over again has really opened something in me.. too early to tell.. but yeah! I'm sick from all the running outside pretty sure.. but I'm telling you.. I'd be out running again tomorrow...

bball date with kevo at 9am at the BFR. 12:02 and time for bed.

troubles of work, Crew 09 can't come fast enough!

starting off with my closing thought from Sat, i definately did not shave before work on saturday. so I made up for it today thinking today would be a fulfilling work day. Wrong. Another morning gone wrong, hindered by ridiculous way people handle their shifts. Seriously, how hard is it. New promotions.. obviously you do what? Make sure there is enough product to meet the demand of that promo. Simple stuff. I really do not know how it is so easy to mess that up. Oh, and when a top shelf out of two says "Use the bottom rack first," with an arrow pointing down.. what is done? The product, frozen product that is, is left on the bottom rack.. with the thawed ones left on top.. to be used second.....? I swear. And then they have the attitude to act as if they have a clue what is going on?? To act as if they are, say, a better worker than others there? Maybe so, but I wouldn't bring that attitude my way.. since I'm the one that works with all of your mistakes. For the love...

Can't wait to get to a Crew game this year.. granted it has to be warm, I gave up on season tix for now.. spring break is more important, but I really cannot wait to get back in the Nordecke this season to defend the Cup! And hopefully getting more friends and new comers out to support, because if I have the money after SB09, I am definately buying off my tickets for the remainder of the home season. On that note, we'll all miss the home opener against Toronto FC anyway, as it is March 28, which will be the day we check out of the hotel in Panama, so so much for that! I missed all the TFC matches last season, so I guess I will have to join the trip up to Toronto for the match there ?? We'll see...

So confused in some areas, I mean.. what can I do to make this all right with her. Too early to tell.

new board today? Bowl prediction!

Noon. Working tonight from 5p-1a, so yeah missing the big game and the hour Office special.

So far I have been awake for maybe.. 40 minutes, and that entire 40 minutes has been spent determining whether or not I'll actually buy my first surfboard instead of renting them like I normally do. So many questions.. epoxy or fiberglass, swallow'd or not, is 7.6 a good length for me? Isle has a great looking board (green is my fav color) Isle comes to about 447.. wish shipping only being like.. 60. While this other board I've never heard of, Baton R, and BOTH are fiberglass.. where as I wouldn't mind having an epoxy as opposed to poly. And the main question is... since PCB generally has no surf... why do I even want one? Well I plan on traveling to a lot of different places over the next few summers.. and I could always go back to florida during a hurricane or TS. So who knows.. looks like no boards for me for the moment :( So I now have spent over 2 hrs looking at new boards.. FL reports.. vids to help me make the decision.. so I think that's about enough right.. However I know I can say that I am completely sure that if I don't buy this board here before Panama, that I will probably not buy my own board for another 2-3 years.. which is sad, because it brings the realization that I will not be traveling as much, probably have a serious job, and.. yeah not traveling as much. So maybe I should just give in, not get a serious job, find a cheap apartment.. save up money for the rest of my life and just travel as I desire =)

Steelers and Cards tonight... I say, let's see.. 7-0, 7-7, 10-7, 14-10, 21-17, 28-17, 31-17... I'm going to say final score will be around 31-17 with the Steelers winning. Although I cannot stand Worthlessberger, I don't think Whisenhunt's knowledge of PIT's ways will be enough to really penetrate, they might get the first and second scores, but I'm predicting it's all Pittsburgh.

Today- clean up, shave, light work out.. work.. BUT, do I take the laptop to follow along with the game or not, although we could be busy, I think I will just incase ;)